MY BACKGROUND AND INSPIRATIONS
I believe we can all transform our lives, regardless of past circumstances.
After years of working in this specialised area I have found that most clients present for therapy after they realise they have been ‘stuck’ in a toxic relationship that is painful, abusive and very unhealthy.
Most are still clinging to beliefs and old patterns of thought and behavior that are holding them back in life. Difficult connections often begin in childhood and carry through for many years, unrecognized or addressed.
I am often asked:
“How did I get myself into this?”
“How do I move on?”
“How do I stop attracting more abusive relationships?”
“Walking on eggshells” is a term I constantly hear in my practice. Unless someone has lived with the constant ridicule and insidious abuse that comes with a narcissistic personality most others cannot properly grasp the cruel dynamics we have suffered. This simply adds to our feelings of isolation. It can be immensely challenging to gain confidence, and begin navigating towards what we need to give ourselves the most – self care and self acceptance.
A narcissist’s motive is always about manipulation and gaining control, and they will go to huge extremes to achieve this. With their carefully crafted façade they work hard to find our issues and insecurities, and use this information to their advantage to taunt and confuse us. Most will report this is done ruthlessly and without remorse, whilst our trust has been shattered. Residual self doubt can last a life time if not dealt with at some stage.
Hopefully my experience, understanding and knowledge can help people build positive relationships.
I try to assist with finding ‘normality’ again, restoring balance and harmony back into a client’s life. We look at unconscious as well as conscious beliefs that have set us up to attract emotionally abusive relationships. Then it is a matter of creating healthy boundaries.
It is fundamental to learn certain skills on how to confront and resolve a breakdown in communication. Why aren’t we taught this in school if not at home? Building resilience and inner strength paves the way to create a positive future.
Assisting clients in the aftermath of a traumatic relationship takes careful handling. Most have been bullied, used and abused, viewed as little more than an object for self gratification by the narcissist.
The prolonged negative emotional stress experienced whilst in these relationships can take an indescribable toll on an individual, leaving them confused and not able to trust themselves, let alone anyone else! Deep feelings of worthlessness to the point of suicidal thoughts are not uncommon.
Stop the cycle of abuse!
Learn to understand your trauma and how you were attracted to this person and hence the relationship. Develop self awareness, self care and boundaries to safeguard against further exploitation.
Huge insight can be gained from this internal work, with clients learning how to take personal responsibility, be assertive, and bring self-control back to their lives. With new emotional independence they are no longer a magnet to a controlling personality.
Create the space for change and let the healing begin!